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Sunday, October 1st, 2006
6:58 pm - holy shit
i havent been able to log onto this in almost a year...i had forgotten the password i changed it to and when i came to florida, the new computer (of course) didnt know it...that last entry was somewhat dramatic and pretty much a fitting goodbye for my journal...tho it was really symbolic of me leaving to florida...but...some shit happened with my hotmail account and wiped out all my old messages, u kno, when u never check it...so i reactivated it...and then i figured, hey, i'll try it...and i askd lj to send me the password, and it (well sorta) did...

now here i am...noone posts in live journal anymore...myspace has really taken over...i post all my blogs there now since this thing wasnt working for me...the only people i see still posting are sarah, phil from brokensound blvd, lil half pint and that one british guy who loves mike shinoda

oh well, i prolly wont post much here...but i can now see those old memories i couldnt before because they were private or whatever...i think i'm gonna download my journal, its got way to many memories to risk losing again

god is awesome and girls are beautiful

current mood: amused

(brush that dirt off your shoulder)

Monday, November 28th, 2005
12:31 pm - oh little town of bethlehem
with the pose of a mack and my clothes in a sack; gotta go and i dunno when i'll be back. get my last paycheck. smash and make steps. gone and on the run with kool g rap in the tape deck!

current mood: i'm out

(4 piMP3s | brush that dirt off your shoulder)

Sunday, November 27th, 2005
4:27 pm - should i go, should i leave, need space to breathe
old friends become new, new become old
false becomes true, truth becomes mold
mold becomes fruit, fruit becomes spoil
the spoil becomes soil for seeds to unfoil
we live and they die, we laugh and they cry
we yin and they yang, they judge and they fry
they fall and we fly, they doubt and we try
they flee and we hang in the pain in our eyes
dont wanna grow up, i wanna remain a pup
barely walkin, slippin and fallin on my throw up
and its cool cuz i'm young, i'm alloud to be dumb
but now that i'm older i get the cold shoulder
i do shows in front of fifteen year olds
and i act just like them and wear the same clothes
but i gotta grow up now, thats what i keep tellin myself
but i'm not listenin too well

what fragile creatures we humans are

btw i'll be in florida tomorrow

current mood: solemn

(1 piMP3 | brush that dirt off your shoulder)

1:50 pm - obeah for president!!!
go here:
http://www.myspace.com/smashrockwell
and vote for adam venable "it's cool"

ok...heres the deal

casual = big name in the underground
obeah/adam venable = my homeboy since highschool

casual put out a contest on myspace a little while ago where he uploaded a beat and asked people to rhyme on it and send it back to him so he can pick the best and have others vote on it


YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE A MYSPACE USER TO VOTE!!! ANYONE WITH AN IP ADDRESS CAN VOTE! PLEASE VOTE!!!


the one who wins will be put on the next hiero mixtape and casual will possibly be working with them to help bring them up into the scene

adam was chosen as one of the top four (and rightfully so)...he's also blatantly the dopest one on the site...the problem is that now that people are voting on it, it may easily become a popularity contest, so if thats what its got to be, thats what its got to be...i need you, all of you, to take a second out to go to the link and vote for adam, he deserves to win and this is not just some random thing, this means big things for him in the music industry...he's dope, help him out

-roman

ps...if i'm breakin any rules by advertising this, jus lemme know...u know i'm not hard headed about it

(brush that dirt off your shoulder)

Saturday, November 26th, 2005
4:54 pm - OBEAH FOR PRESIDENT!!!

go here:
http://www.myspace.com/smashrockwell
and vote for adam venable "it's cool"

ok...heres the deal

casual = big name in the underground
obeah/adam venable = my homeboy since highschool

casual put out a contest on myspace a little while ago where he uploaded a beat and asked people to rhyme on it and send it back to him so he can pick the best and have others vote on it

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE A MYSPACE USER TO VOTE!!! ANYONE WITH AN IP ADDRESS CAN VOTE! PLEASE VOTE!!!


the one who wins will be put on the next hiero mixtape and casual will possibly be working with them to help bring them up into the scene

adam was chosen as one of the top four (and rightfully so)...he's also blatantly the dopest one on the site...the problem is that now that people are voting on it, it may easily become a popularity contest, so if thats what its got to be, thats what its got to be...i need you, all of you, to take a second out to go to the link and vote for adam, he deserves to win and this is not just some random thing, this means big things for him in the music industry...also if you can, ask everyone else you know to vote for him, do what you can to help out...but if you cant do anything else, at least take a second yourself to go vote for him...if you're a friend at all

-roman



current mood: excited

(1 piMP3 | brush that dirt off your shoulder)

Friday, November 25th, 2005
12:46 pm - pictures for the family
Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com

(brush that dirt off your shoulder)

Thursday, November 24th, 2005
11:46 pm - stand up alive cuz the music hasnt died yet
i believe...

that most people, especially christians for knowing part of the truth, underestimate God...its very easy to do because our minds are so finite...i believe that the will of God is a very complicated thing and it cannot be understood simply by reading books;you must know the man himself

i believe that God had even more plans than sending jesus to save us all and that even that concept is way more complex than we understand it to be

i always knew that God was bigger than me...He's also bigger than my faith...and this is a lot more than just the ramblings of a lost soul

and dont get it twisted, i'm still lost

oh dear Lord, why'd you have to make me a romantic?

current mood: beautiful is heaven on earth

(brush that dirt off your shoulder)

11:05 am - ten things...thanks again
ten things i'm thankful for:

1. the opportunity that arises out of bad situations
2. the growth that comes with criticism
3. sad clown bad dub
4. comic books, donnie darko and sin city
5. inspiration
6. swamburger and the sol.illaquists of sound
7. moms and pops
8. the whole indie hip hop scene
9. good music
10. pretty girls

ten things i want for christmas (my wish list):

1. a ride to florida
2. money to eat
3. the songs i recorded in puerto rico
4. free studio time
5. a kiss from a pretty girl
6. a friend or two to kick it with
7. the ability to not worry about life
8. time with my family
9. penir
10. to find myself

current mood: cheerful

(brush that dirt off your shoulder)

Monday, November 21st, 2005
8:59 am - www.myspace.com/fd1emcee
this is the part of the movie when everything collapses
and i'm jus gonna lie in my bed and take a nap
if i ever claimed to be a know it all, i take it back
all i know how to do is make a rap
it goes one for the money, two for the show
three for the help when i'm losin control
four for the coffee, five for the beers
six for the reflection found inside of the tears
when you've got no girl to write to, no god to worship
no car to drive you, no job to work at
been tryin to breakthrough for years and wont quit
weight of the world on my shoulders like here, hold this
and yet i still have it all and i still want some more
and i'm sorry for all the drinks i've spilled on the floor
and i'll be happy to sell you my soul in a song
making up the words as i go along

current mood: solemn

(3 piMP3s | brush that dirt off your shoulder)

Friday, November 18th, 2005
6:05 am - this is gonna be the best damn karaoke jam ever
i currently have a cartoon female purple hippo with wings floating above my right shoulder...and her name is betiful

current mood: amused

(brush that dirt off your shoulder)

Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
8:06 pm - And you can tell that maybe time is out of joint my love
and as the dirty drums kick i envision the shadows behind the raindrops and the metal under the paint job; i try to figure out the difference between fingertips and fingernails as i bite into dead skin; i pause for a second and ponder how it doesnt really matter if a girls got a boyfriend or not; i think of how my attachment is a longing for a forbidden love and thats why i'm always unsatisfied; and how the music is just music in the background while the asshole customer gets his way again, if only i was manager...i think about the way her smile makes me weak and yet its been so long since ive seen it, yet i'm not strong; more like broken but not brokendown; and all these songs keep playing in my head and i'm wondering if anyone speaks the same language as me...its pretty simple, not that hard to understand, if you jus take things at face value and also read between the lines...a girl made me smile last night and made me laugh today and we only had one conversation...but thats the sweetness...the bitter sweetness of life

i feel trapped here

current mood: blah

(brush that dirt off your shoulder)

Sunday, November 13th, 2005
11:44 pm - nothing more than a backpack can hold
ok...i'm gone

no like really, really gone

gimme til january

and see if i dont leave everything behind

its really happening

a real fuckin opportunity

its crazy

i love you all so much

current mood: ecstatic

(1 piMP3 | brush that dirt off your shoulder)

Saturday, November 12th, 2005
8:26 pm - not to blame you or anything but...
i feel like you've shaken the life out of me...

...i know i WAS strong enough to hold on...

...but now i dont even know who i am...and i care less and less everyday

and when the sun sets and we're done holding the horizon hostages i dont know if i'll pay up a single apology that i owe you

current mood: apathetic

(brush that dirt off your shoulder)

1:46 am
if lost was a religion, i'd be the friggin pope of that shit

ps, check out my new myspace layout

(brush that dirt off your shoulder)

Friday, November 11th, 2005
3:32 pm - atmosphere, dont front like you cant hear

oh wow! i want it soo bad!!!oh wow! like seriously! oh my gosh!



current mood: amused

(brush that dirt off your shoulder)

Thursday, November 10th, 2005
8:38 pm - are you here, were you ever there?

scream with a smile and choke boy choke

aint tryina be the man no more, cuz i'm a man now

and all i ever wanted was to pick apart the day and put the pieces back together my way

so i handed in my letter of resignation for bank of america today

whoa, lets take a step back to lyrics there, and not cut the small talk...

my world is falling appart...
                         but not in a way that makes me grab my pillow at night clinch my teeth and cry, no that was last year; right about now i'm anticipating the change, last year i lost everything that really meant anything to me except hip hop which is only because it cant be taken away from me; and when she stepped back in, even if only for a visit, it flipped my world upside down again...now its just a weird blurred image moved by whats in front of me, as sad as that sounds...
                                        but the point is that i'm not worried, you cant think losing a job is a big deal when you've already experienced losing your faith; long story short: my car can die any second, my license may be taken away from me in any second, i wont have a job anymore because i wont be able to get to work, my brother in law might resent me and kick me out tho my sister is doubtful, i am alone and yet i dont feel alone...
somehow in the middle of all this i                                                                                                          dragged my half dead car to adams house where we both went to the sage francis show to see him and solillaquists of sound perform together for the second time, making it my third time seeing them; i knew i had to work in the morning, but if i dont go to shows or things like that which give me reason to live, whats the point of making a living? soo apparently last time i saw them i made a good impression on swamburger (from solillaquists of sound) because he was talking to me like a friend

"we are really some individuals who  believe you should quit your job and follow your dreams and what you love to do"

he says while on stage performing and means it...my parents live in kissimmee which is about as close to orlando as i am to atlanta....the solillaquists stay in orlando and now i'm on talking terms with swam, cell phone, home address and email....so i'm leavin this small town of bethlehem as soon as i can get all these legal issues out the way...it'll be cool to kick it with my family and calm down for a second, maybe hook up with swam and find away to live off of this shit that i love...

so my manager didnt just take the resognition like "cool, see ya", she's calling a location more close to my area in case my car breaks down and i might work there...until the big move

 

who'da known i could fit my whole life in this bookbag?Collapse )



current mood: patiently waitin to wake up

(1 piMP3 | brush that dirt off your shoulder)

Saturday, November 5th, 2005
2:38 pm - two different worlds appart, but the world is jus a small town
ladida, i sway my head back and forth like a summers day in love with a winters night crying a spring rain on fallen leaves; knowing i'm a man of many personalities i choose the one thats me and walk til the street lights dim and fade out; put my headphones on for this world i ignore; and i just had a recent epiphany => if i was to rewrite the alphabet, i'd put m and c together

[19:50] love: so would you say she's interconnected with your faith
[19:50] flux1100: naw...i would think that goes without saying

if i...Collapse )

current mood: i'm a puppy, take me home

(3 piMP3s | brush that dirt off your shoulder)

Thursday, November 3rd, 2005
2:27 pm - should i rock hip hop or should i wear some slacks
last night, because i accepted Christ into my life again, i was told that i wasnt the same person, or rather that i wasnt me; and i'm really getting tired of hearing that from everyone when i dont know who i am and i'm torn between not one or two but multiple sides of my personality trying to figure out which one is actually me; i kinda burst into tears last night with that in mind, i just want it to be ok that i'm me, please forgive me if i ever destroy your fantasy, because as it turns out, i'm a human being and not a fantasy...and i say this because i love you

so, no judge, i didnt even really meet the lawyer, i just went to his office and filled out some paperwork and cut a check and im done for the day; i'm good until my next court date (isnt it funny that i have multiple court dates), they're binding over my case from city court where i see a judge to state court where i see a jury of my peers; whatever, the lawyers know what they're doing, and they're gonna do what they can to save my license tho it might mean a lot of money from my pockets, you gotta do what you gotta do; and it seems pretty clear right now, just hide your eyes beneath bill of the cap, walk in the sunshine and trust God; thats where i'm at right now

but on a side note, it's a beautiful day, and out of the past 365 days too many of them have been beautiful to take for granted, i miss feeling like everything will be alright, but i think i've got it back now

ps to the world...i feel like grandma death over here, i keep running out to check my mailbox for those slug cds i ordered, i just now realized that after i got through checking just now i had already gotten the mail earlier and it didnt come, maybe i'll go check again later today

current mood: i'm gettin grown

(6 piMP3s | brush that dirt off your shoulder)

Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
7:31 pm - i'll make it to the moon if i have to crawl
Runnin from the law, not my favorite hobby
I'm relieved that I saw the speed trap before he saw me
I don't need another ticket, I've gotta collection in the glovebox
They make great souvenirs cause they weigh less than rocks

so once again i carry mustard seeds in my pocket and pictures of her in my locket; its called love, enough that you can scream at yourself...but in the name of love or faith or anything, please anyone who calls themself a believer, pray for me this evening for tomorrow i will stand before a judge who will determine my fate for this next season...i've even hired a lawyer

And I can tell when you're mad at your past.
Because you tend to take the turns just a little too fast.
I can tell how you push your foot on the gas,
that you already knew that you was gonna finish last.
Slow it down

current mood: trusting

(brush that dirt off your shoulder)

Monday, October 31st, 2005
11:17 pm
i believe that when you're in love; i dont mean highschool infatuation that you can get over, or over emotional obsession that you get after being real intimate with someone; but really in love like i am in love and that love is more concrete than concrete and just wont escape you; when in spite of the fact that there are many, theres really only one...i believe its a mental disorder and a form of insanity...kinda like "what is reality?"

and i do much prefer the term 'soulmate' to 'ex-girlfriend'

i wont stalk you tho...i promise

(1 piMP3 | brush that dirt off your shoulder)

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